Anandi on the Mountain

Anandi on the Mountain

I went to the mountain. It came to me as a vision… that it was the place to record the occasion I had been anxiously awaiting for some time. Ive known it all along, but the actual doing of it was a whole other adventure all together. For me, visions often come in 2D or 3D at best, one wont always know how it will manifest in the material because its born out of potential and until you are taking the first step, it is nothing more than a fluttering image.

So I woke in the early morning knowing it was the day and took a small bag as I climbed the mountain behind my home where she will be less than a month. I walked into the woods as the sun rose and obscured my vision of a deer grazing just off the path on my right side. As the rays were cast by shadow we startled one another and I let out a soft laugh at the serendipitous remembrance of asking for a sign to support my choice that morning. A deer – symbolic sign of spirit.

It was a quiet and serene morning as I reached the crest of the mountain to come upon a second deer, quite young, grazing in the berries nearby with two turkeys. Our eyes met and I gently smiled to let him know I meant no harm. We stood, motionless for some time until he was satisfied I was only a minor disturbance to his feast then carried on with one eye keeping track of my whereabouts. This went on for some time until I decided to look for the place I would record and to my delight he daintily moved closer as I walked across the meadow to a large boulder outcropping. Curiosity I suppose, but I would like to think it was moral support.

Its one thing to write a few words, or speak to someone new for the first time, but a whole different thing all together to put yourself on camera for the world to see. For me it was horrifying and thrilling. Revealing a part of me that many have never seen (whom I already know) and letting go of the fear of being judged or shamed– to free fall into the joy of existing as a more authentic, direct manifestation of who I am.

The beauty of true spirituality is that it has no form. There is no dress code, or singular language of authenticity. There’s just me, being me, asking you to consider the possibility… So wherever you are, just as you are, start there. In the words of Rumi “Out beyond the ideas of wrong doing and right doing there is a field, I will meet you there.”



Lakulisha and the Two Dog-tags, Part 1

This is easily one of the most astounding stories I have ever heard from Ma. I came across it this evening while doing some work and was drawn to read it again. Take a moment and read it. There is a second part that will knock your socks off! Love, Anandi

Mystical Tidbits

I have decided to tell you a little story. The memory of a very special event that took place many years ago during a difficult time in my life, entered my awareness this morning in meditation. I have not shared this story with more than two people, but this morning I felt moved to tell it to you.

It happened during my morning meditation many years ago. I had begun remembering Lakulisha and the amazing experiences I had had that caused me to think of him as a “heart magnet”, for that he is indeed: His love is literally magnetic, drawing you to him in waves of joy so intense that you stumble over your own feet (if you happen to be on them). The memory of him brought about this same feeling of being drawn to him. It became so strong it was as if he were in the room…

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Bhagavad Gita – Chapter 1, Vs 1

Durga Ma’s blog Mystical Tidbits. This is the beginning of her translation of the Bhagavad Gita Chp.1- V.1 This is her pinnacle work. She has been working at it for over 30 years and is particularly gifted with scripture interpretation and translation.

Mystical Tidbits

Arjuna’s Depression

Dhirtarashtra said:  O Samjaya, about my sons of the field of doers, and the sons of Pandu of the field of dharma, eager to fight, tell me what they are doing.  


Dhritarashtra – Dhritarashtra was the blind king. The name means, ‘one whose empire is firmly held’. 

Samjaya – The king’s minister. The name means, ‘victorious’.

What is going on:

A conflict is about to take place on the battlefield. Dhritarashtra, who was king and is blind, is asking his minister, Samjaya, to tell him what is going on between his son’s army and the opposing army. His son leads the armies of the Kurus. The armies of the Pandavas are lined up against him.

Because Dhritarashtra is blind, he tells his minister, Samjaya, who has the power to see at a distance, to tell him what is going on. The result is that we get…

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Why I Meditate.. Into the Darkness

Since childhood I have been ‘different’ in the eyes of others. I can recall from a young age that I saw the world differently than many. It was a struggle that only gained momentum as I grew. Mine isn’t a IMG_5786mystical story, though many of years were peppered with mystical (unbeknownst to me at the time) experiences. My desire for meditation was largely born of necessity. Necessity to know and to find some peace from the violence and chaos I witnessed and lived in the world.

Like many children I was jubilant and energetic. It grew into despair as I began to mature and see the injustice and fear in the world, and migrated further still into depression and fury in adolescence that is not uncommon.
Still mine was not the garden variety. I fumed with outrage many would find unbearable at my perceived ignorance of our world. I couldn’t have known the innocence of it at that time, but the contrast of relative realities clashing in the thunderous waves of our society was such that I was aflame with dissonance and didn’t care who knew. I was keenly aware of another reality and yet I couldn’t access it with any certainty and found myself stranded betwixt the two.

It has been the darkest nights of my soul that led me into the mysteries, out of the sheer will to survive. I simply could not accept that this was all my life was about… acquisition of the material world only to rot in the ground. I know, how dark for someone who’s all about Light and Love right? Well, indeed my perception has changed over the years but still there can be no light without the dark. (Actually, thats not entirely true. But for another time). As a naturally contemplative and intellectually driven personality, meditation is a easy access point for The Great Inquisition.

So in essence I am addressing that dark, dirty place that people often try to exclude once they get involved with Meditation and Spirituality. Its a fertile ground for some really powerful and beautiful realizations. You can’t be what you can see. Once you commit yourself to the practice these things will arise. Its a journey into your own internal affairs, so naturally shit will surface. Its the process of unbecoming, destruction and annihilation. Of everything your “thought” you were in order to know your True Self. There’s no way to know what that aspect will look like for yourself, you just have to roll up your sleeves and dig in.

Yet Im here writing now to let you know it doesn’t have to come with the associations we give to words like dark, destruction or annihilation. There is a lot of bad publicity out there that is remnant of our patriarchal roots… all pain, no gain, blah blah blah. Sure, take the rough road and suffer. I did. For a long time, then I woke up to a greater reality beyond the programming that we all have. We have been living in a world that romanticizes pain and violence as a badge of honor.Living and raising families in societies based on controlling people through fear. We actually live our daily lives in darkness. The very thing we try so hard to avoid. An avoidance that has cost us dearly, because it has taken our freedom.

You can’t be what you can see. Only when your willing to see do you have any power to change anything. Sometimes we hit rock bottom before we open our eyes. There in that moment is magic… compassion is born right at the very instant when we no longer have the strength to hold onto the illusion and one choses to surrender. It is the heart of darkness, and theres nothing to fear because it is the greatest Love you will ever know.

This is the return of the Divine Feminine.

With Love,


P.S. If your interested in meditation, check out the events page and join me for a meditation gathering in July or come to meet and sit with Durga Ma when she arrives here in CT!

Getting Real Non-Violence

Theres a time of day just as dusk arrives, when the sun is swallowed by the earth and the light burns into the land releasing the colors of another day passed. Its hypnotic for me, watching the light transition with a stretch into the beckoning arms of night.


Tonight it is bringing me into a place of deep gratitude for the brilliance of Earth and what she provides… such beauty, for no reason whatsoever. Just this cataclysmic cycle of sensuous beauty that is constantly breathing our existence anew in each moment. Talk about having an instant tool to bring one into the moment, into a more vivid experience of Reality. Its Real, and this is all about getting real.

I wrote last about authenticity and living Authentically. It was a planned doorway into writing about the Yamas and how they translate into our lives everyday. If you have ever studied yoga meditation you have likely heard the term. If not, now you have. The Yamas and Niyamas are like a set of ideals to guide our lives (often refered to as restraints and observances). They are meant to be studied, contemplated and practiced. If you’re at all like me and have a problem with authority and rules, you may have experienced a period of resistance or even defiance at the idea of having to follow any “rules.” That is okay. Even good. I appreciate healthy skepticism. The Yamas and Niyamas are really quite agreeable and common sensical when you get down to it, they are necessary steps for anyone who is sincere in improving their life and once you go deeper… well, I leave that up to you.

Ahimsa (non-violence) is the first of the ten Yamas. As scripture and final form teachings are written, the first is of the most importance. Meaning if you were to only master one, this should be the one. Sounds good, right? So in understanding Ahimsa we take it to mean non-violence in thought, word or deed to others or self. Well there’s a tall order. Now you get the picture as to how it might be a lifetime of undertaking to discover the extent to which this applies, I know its blown my mind. Several times.

Theres a lot to take in on this, but perhaps most importantly is to consider exactly what it means: non-violence, do no harm. It does not tell you what to do. It simply states what not to do. You’re welcome. That really changes the game now, doesn’t it? Do no harm, in thought, word or deed to others or self. The depth of this began to reveal itself to me over the course of the last several years and continues to deepen. It has shown me wounds and ways I keep myself in bondage with suffering. It has pointed to ways I have neglected my body, mind and spirit in such clarity that I was astonished I had not seen it earlier. Even to the realization of seeing my own addiction to suffering, though innocent as it may have been it was a sobering moment in my journey that has since repeated itself.

It is a very powerful tool to start considering oneself in this light of non-violence. It will change the way you make choices, not out of guilt, shame or fear, but out of conscious awareness of what is harmful. Knowledge is power.

On the topic of power… with each Yama that is mastered comes a special siddhi or power. While it’s not actually magic, it is the best way to describe it. I actually think it’s better than magic because it’s real. With the mastering of Ahimsa one becomes free from suffering. What’s even better is that you don’t have to fully master Ahimsa to begin to feel the magic. Naturally if you stop harming yourself and others you will suffer less.

This practice of the Yamas and Niyamas is generally considered willful as we are faced with the task of daily living. However there is another consideration. “For through the systematic practice of natural yoga, bit by bit, in the body and mind, a rearrangement in the conditions of nature occurs, so that after the aspirant makes enough progress, he naturally begins to practice the restraints and observances.” (Taken from Durga Ma’s translation and comment on the Hatha Yoga Pradipika- see here )

Anyway you look at it, it’s a good deal. Isn’t it time we start actively enjoying this life? I’m going to… consider this your invitation to join me🙂



(Click here to read a great tidbit on the Dharma of Karma).




The Good, The Bad and The Authentic


A little known fact, or unknown perhaps. Being a “good” person and being “spiritually advanced” are not mutually exclusive. When I first considered this I recall being really put off. What?! Of course they are… aren’t they? Well, can you think of someone who was viewed or even confirmed and exemplified  being spiritually evolved who got into some hot water or made questionable choices in the eyes of others? Thought so.

This should come as a comfort to us in a time when self-flagellation is at an all time high and we are teething on the edge of a shifting paradigm. The mind has simply constructed this useful relationship through learned fear as a way to keep us stranded in relative reality. Expelling our efforts and energy out into the environment in search of a model of perfection… talk about woo-woo insanity!

Back to the shifting paradigm. Its happening, wether you know it, or like it or not. People are growing restless and tensions rise and fall with the tide of history bringing itself to fruition through the labor of our past actions. Now is just as good of time as ever to choose how we show up in the world, and what our experience will be.

One could choose to be good, or bad. Or if you are of the adventurous variety you may choose to go rogue and be authentic. Im already off the rails so I choose authentic. Its about embracing my humanity within the omnipresence of Reality. What comes with that as an entree? A big side of FEAR.

While fear is natural and useful when it is operating in its capacity to keep us alive in a situation of mortal danger, learned fear and conditioned fear is neither. I have come to find that there are varying degrees of fear that color nearly every aspect of my own identity to such a stifling magnitude that it kept me imprisoned for years. I wont postulate that I am fearless, or even brave. What I can say is that I have grown comfortable within the experience of fear. Often that has appeared to outsiders in different ways.. brave, courageous, crazy, powerful, intimidating to name a few. Authentic to generalize it as an aspect of humanity. So whats the big deal?

Once I began to get so authentic with myself that I wasn’t afraid to embody the experience something strange started to happen… the discomfort and resistance gave way to a more dynamic experience of my own nature. The restriction of the former could no longer convince me of its reality, and a gentle and pervasive joy arose in its place. Self acceptance began to creep in along with its friend empowerment and set the stage for conscious choice. Needless to say some people perceived this as positive and others, not so much.

If you want to find some degree of happiness in your own life, there comes a time when one has to question the contents of our own mind. Seek to discover what we know to be true and what is just keeping us from our own experience of happiness. I think it starts with authenticity… getting really real about who we think ourselves to be. There will always be choices to make and as long as you and I are walking around in these meat suits with free will and active minds tediously evolving, it may not always look pretty to others. Such is the play of relativity on stage for the world to see. (Unless your in a cave somewhere, then I am secretly envious of your anonymity.)

So the purpose of this ditty I suppose is to remind you your human. You get to be human for the rest of this incarnation at least, so why not give the minds internal labeling system a break and consider the possibility of unlimited potentiality. Put on your best Indiana Jones face, grab the whip and go for a ride!



image shared courtesy of

The many faces of Mother

Currently in progress…..

I awoke to an unprompted, full on deep ceremony of embodiment of Mother.

Prefaced by the collective consciousness energy of the holiday elevating directly to a full stem to stern dismemberment of radical sensuous hullabaloo that has no image or words to share, YET.

This is an invitation to the party.🙂